Second day of my diet.

I went and bought fresh salmon today, as I should eat omega 3 fish 3 times a week to feel the benefits on stress levels. So that was healthy. I also had some non healthy things, a small packet of crisps and some chocolate.

Late at night, I had the thought that I wanted to go out and buy crap. I had the strong determination in my mind that I didn't want to buy crisps as I had already had had some. The urge to fill myself was there as it has been there all summer and many summers before that. I had a mental picture of buying an ice cream, a fancy one, as we actually have ice-cream at home but I didn't want that. So I finally went and got one. The women in the chinese shop, I don't know what she is called so I will call her Wing, said that the mangum premium was very nice. It was actually what I had in my mental picture, so I bought it. When I was home I realized how ice-cream was the last thing in the world that I fancied, and could only eat half of it, before thinking it was really stupid to force a high calorific iced dessert down my neck when I didn't even want it.

Strangely enough X criticized what I was eating, I had the feeling that ice-cream was OK in his eyes. I nearly said something that I had thought that morning. That the creeping up of 3 kilos in his weight was probably to do with the fact that he ate ice-cream every single day since 1 year ago. But I didn't. No point of making him more obsessive about his weight when his weight is fine anyway.

I then had 2 of those small toast things with a bit of marge, but I didn't get much joy out of that. I know at this moment that I have not exceeded the limit, as I feel empty and cold inside. This feeling usually means that the next day I will be just a bit thinner than the last day.

Wing made me jump when she touched my arm and asked if I was not cold. I was actually wearing an armless t-shirt and shorts, but inside the house it was warm. In her shop with the doors wide open it was however freezing. She was dressed up warmly. I noticed the other day that she was pregnant, must be at least 5 months gone. Who I imagine is her husband, Wong, the only other person serving in the shop is always sat next to the till humming along to Chinese music. She speaks good Spanish and is very sociable, trying to win over all the locals. The price of her local bread speaks more than words however, seeing that the other local shops don't go under 75 cents. I wondered if standing up all day in the cold, a 15 hour shift was good for her in her condition. I was surprised that Wong did not give her the position sitting near the till. He doesn't have such good Spanish however, or that it seems, and is more shy with 0 social skills, so I suppose it is better for business that Wing should have the active part. She asked me if it got colder in the Winter. I told her that certainly if she continued to leave the door wide open.
I got the rubbish bags I had forgotten this morning when I did the big shop down the supermarket. As I was at the big shop, As I stood in the queue Wong appeared which seemed all wrong. I first thought he was comparing prices, but then I thought that they don't sell everything in the shop, especially fresh things like fruit which was what he kept observing in quite an anxious way. I found myself thinking that he was looking for fruit for his wife, who should be eating fresh things with the pregnancy. He gave me the feeling of someone looking for something he had lost. On the other hand, I have the feeling that Wing and Wong are two strangers. He never shows any emotion, or a smile, let alone any love or care. He gives all the feeling that should she want fresh products she could either go herself or whistle.

Another thing about the chinese shop is that Wing always follows you. I wish she would just put some of those mirrors up, I don't like the feeling that I am observed like a potential thief and I feel I can't browse. I wonder what she will do if the bikenutter's come in the shop. Probably ask Wong to escort them round the shop. The shop is too small really, even though they have managed to put everything under the sun inside from glue to pringles. It makes what for me was the small chinese shop down the road from our old flat look like carrefour.

When I went to the fishmongers I saw my neighbour Maria as I was leaving. I don't know how we got talking in the first place. She lives in the posh flats in front, and comes out to walk her rather fat dog. But as she is rather fat herself she seems to struggle and never goes very far. She always seems to be wearing what X would call a poncho, destined to those that are too fat to wear ordinary clothes. But I am always glad to know people and smile, and we both said at the same time "Hello Maria", which was quite strange, as if we were a reflection in a mirror, her being 40 years more along the line. As i got out the shop, I heard her answer to the fishmonger that she was not in good health. I biked away from hearing anymore. I think personally I could be dying and i would still say "Oh yes, I feel well thank you" if asked. Unless I knew this person very very well I suppose. Maybe she does know the fishmonger, maybe...

I had a vitamin tablet (Can I succeed in what seems the simple task of having 1 vitamin tablet for 1 month?=, and I had some milk (haven't had milk in months). (Yes I have had ice cream, cheese, margarine, whipped cream, but not milk). So I will be observing my tummy and its reactions.

Maybe tomorrow there will be more exciting reflections on Wing Wong Maria, and Maria...